He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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