And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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