If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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