when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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