why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
