"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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