I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
