so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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