My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am mentally ready for anal.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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