Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
