In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
