His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
