His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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