There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
