we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
