i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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