??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
