Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
