If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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