She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
