I'm jealous of your bromance
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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