Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
