i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
