I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize