I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
