So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
