you have to choose: penises or morals?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
