No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Boobs are out for the taking
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize