Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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