No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
