life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
there is puke in my bra ... again
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
