Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
