In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
