I skipped work to stalk him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
