apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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