His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
