i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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