I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
