Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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