I'm so fucking centered right now
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
