Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
