You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
