I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
