I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
