A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
