thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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