Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
