my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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