My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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