i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
