I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
