the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
