I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
