Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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