i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
