I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
