she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
