Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize