She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
