I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
