What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
