she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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