apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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